


Could've Had Everything

by emjellybean



Series: Rainy Days and Black Umbrellas [1]
Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, Dark, M/M, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 15:24:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7623970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emjellybean/pseuds/emjellybean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan stares out the window, thinking about his life and the day it changed forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Could've Had Everything

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what this is. I just needed to write something, so for some reason this is what I wrote. If you want me to write more or elaborate on it, I can. I just felt like leaving this as a one shot for the time being.

It was nights like these when Dan did a lot of thinking. The rain pattering against the house, thunder crackling, flashes of bright light almost blinding as he stared out the window. There were no sounds other than the storm and cars that occasionally drove by, the house quiet and empty after he started to live alone. A friend of his was going to move in to help pay rent, so he wouldn’t be kicked out and though he appreciated it, he didn’t necessarily like the idea. If someone moved in, everything would be different. He wouldn’t be able to live the same way, not even close.  
  
This friend of his, he knew, would almost always be home, always making some sort of noise. His house wasn’t big. Not by any means. It was a small, but affordable with very few rooms in it and the two of them were bound to go into all the rooms and see each other quite often. He could barely be by himself, even in his own room.  
  
His home was supposed to be a special place. It was supposed to be _their_ special place.  
  
But soon, his home would feel more like a box that he was contained in because a roommate would taint that lifestyle he’d come accustomed to. It wasn’t perfect, not by any means. Not after the person he loved was taken away from him.  
  
Now he couldn’t do anything he once did. He couldn’t sit in the living room and smile when there wasn’t that laugh next to him. He couldn’t wake up when there was no smell of freshly cooked eggs. He couldn’t sleep when there was no one to hold. Sure, maybe his soon-to-be roommate could cook, but it wouldn’t be _him_. They could laugh, but it wouldn’t be _him_. They could do anything and it wouldn’t be the same because no one could be the same as _him_. No one could come close.  
  
If someone moved in, he couldn’t be free in his own house. Every move would have to be a secret. He knew his friends were worried, of course they were. He also knew they would spy on him every chance they got, so they could pretend they knew how he felt. None of them, not a single one of his friends, could know how he felt or what he needed or even what’s right and what’s wrong at this point. They would judge him for every one of his actions, every decision past, present, and future.  
  
Dan…was in a strange point in his life. He’d finally found love in a man he’d known for months. They fit together perfectly, made each other the happiest men alive. They were together for three years when it happened. Dan was devastated. He called each of their friends to tell them some news. News that he wished he didn’t have to tell.  
  
“Arin’s dead…”  
  
Their friends were shocked, crying, stunned to silence. They said that they’re sorry and they hugged him. They thought what he needed was their touch, so he let them hug him, kiss his cheeks, sob into his shoulder…he took it for what it was supposed to be. Comfort. Comfort for how he must feel in the time of his sorrow.  
  
Of course they didn’t know. They didn’t know how he cried when he was alone, thinking about all of what their life could have been. They didn’t know the pain he felt. They already moved on, but Dan couldn’t and he never would.  
  
He got up from where he was sitting, no longer focused on the storm which was soon passing by. It was a day like this when he was told what would change his life and destroy it, breaking him down with just a few words. The day the love of his life, Arin Hanson, was lost forever.  
  
He walked to his bedroom, sighing as he looked around. Pictures of them were on his dresser. He didn’t dare touch them since Arin had been the one to put them down. He thought it was a nice spot and Dan couldn’t disagree. He turned to look at his bed which wasn’t made and hadn’t been for weeks now. He spent most of his time there, so fixing it up only to ruin it again would be a waste of time and effort.  
  
The storm outside seemed to be gone. There was no more rain, only a gentle breeze coming in from the window. It was dark outside, though, so he closed his window and went to his closet to get clothes. He opened up the closet and took a look at some clothes, running his fingers over a shirt of Arin’s, smiling gently at the fond memories the shirt held.  
  
He heard a quiet noise and sighed. Then he kneeled down, reaching out to touch the face of the young man who was tied up and gagged, sitting on the floor of his closet, practically hidden until Dan pulled him out from the darkness just enough to see him. The man looked up at him with sorrowful, terrified eyes that were so familiar and yet Dan couldn’t recognize them, not completely.  
  
He stared at the man, only wishing it was his Arin, but it wasn't. He died a long time ago. The moment Dan was told that Arin was cheating on him was the moment that the man he loved died. So, no, this man wasn’t Arin. Not anymore.


End file.
